Crazy insurance statements, motoring quotations, 'Murrisms' and video's!

A collection of statements submitted on motor insurance
claim forms!

Perhaps a little more thought when completing the forms next time eh?

- ' I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.'

- I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

- I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame it was the other one

- 'The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.'

- The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention

- The other man altered his mind so I had to run into him.

- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

- If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

- There were plenty of onlookers but no witnesses.

- A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

- I collided with a stationary tree.

- There was no damage done to the car, as the gatepost will testify.

- I heard a horn blow and was struck violently in the back. Evidently a lady was trying to pass me.

- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.

- A lamp post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.

- I left my car unattended for a minute, and whether by accident or design it ran away.

- 'I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.'

- 'I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight' .

- 'No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.'

- 'I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.'

- 'The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.'

- 'I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.'

- 'A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.'

- 'I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.

- 'In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.'

- 'I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.'

- 'My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.'

- 'An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.'

- ' The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.'

- As I approached the junction, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

- The telephone pole was approaching and I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end of my car.

- At 8:15 am I drove out of my driveway straight into a bus. It was fault of the bus for being 15 minutes late

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Car / Automobile Quotations

Mostly a bit of fun, but some words of wisdom in some of them too!

- If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. – Sam Levenson

- “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” George Carlin

- Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker. - Anonymous

- Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you. – Jeremy Clarkson

- Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield. – Price Cobb

- “Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair” – George Burns

- When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge. – Murphy’s law of the open road.

- The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. – Dudley Moore

- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. – Tommy Cooper

- The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. – Jeff Foxworthy

- Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? – Anonymous

- “I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.” – Steven Wright

- Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly. - Anonymous

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Murrey Walker Specials!

Murry Walker was the voice of Formula One all over the world for more than 50 years and gave us classic "Murryism's" such as these below!

-"The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."

- "With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"

- "It's raining and the track is wet"

- "...and there's no damage to the car.....except to the car itself."

- 'and I interrupt myself to bring you this....'

- ‘Unless I'm very much mistaken....I AM very much mistaken!'

- "This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up, but down as well."

- "Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is."

- "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."

- "I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong"

- "Now the Frenchman Jacques Lafitte is as close to Surer as Surer is to Lafitte"

- "We're now on the 73rd lap and the next one will be the 74th."

- (Describing a pit stop.) "And he's done that in a whisker under 10 seconds, call it 9.7 in round figures".

- 'and thats one of the mechanics using a feeler guage to measure the depth of tread in the slick'.

- "And will Jacques Villeneuve be racing with Williams next year? Well, we will only know that in the future."

- "Barrichello, when asked yesterday how he thought he would go tomorrow, which is now today..."

- "That's history. I say history because it happened in the past"

- "IF... is a very long word in Formula 1..."

- "Sid Watkins, one of the world's top neurosurgeons, who looks after all the medical things for the FIA, said he recently had to do a brain-scan on a driver's head, and found nothing inside it, which didn't surprise him."

- "You can't see Alesi's Ferrari because it isn't there!"

- "Are they on a one stopper? Are they on a two stopper? When I say 'they', who do I mean? Well, I don't know! It could be, any way!!"

- "This will be Williams' first win since the last time a Williams won."

- He can't decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

- Either the car is stationary or it's on the move.

- There is nothing wrong with the car except that it is on fire.

- Murray (To Damon Hill)): When did you realise that you had a puncture, Damon?
Damon Hill: When my tyre went down, Murray!

- "If the gloves weren’t off before, and they were, they sure are now!"

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